Despite my last post regarding trolls and negativity online, I've found myself marveling at God's blessings. Honestly, the last month or so, there's been an outpouring of specific answers to prayer, as well as bonus goodness for things it hadn't occurred to us to pray for!
As I slowed down and took a moment to really assess how good God has been, lately (and always), I noticed something odd about my behavior: While I thanked Him in the moment, I actively avoided dwelling on that goodness. The more I ruminated, though, I realized this tendency is part of a pattern. A part of me expects the beautiful, happy things of life to be fleeting, and so I brace myself for the worst. I fill my head and heart with worry instead of joy because I feel as though good times won't last, anyway.
Yikes! Isn't that awful?!
One of the reasons why I haven't said much about the baby girl I'm carrying, for example, is because of the enormity of what she means to me. It's almost too much. What if something goes wrong? What if I screw everything up? There were some things I dealt with as a kid and an adolescent that haunt me. For the longest time, I wondered if my past would allow me to be the best mother I could be...especially if God blessed me with a daughter. Would I be tempted to exorcise my demons on her? Just the thought of this terrified me to no end.
When I got pregnant this time, however, I gave all of my worries and concerns to God. I told Him I'd be content with whomever He chose to occupy the vacancy in our family, and I trusted that He knew best.
When the ultrasound confirmed that we were indeed having a daughter, it was about so much more than simply experiencing the other gender; rather, it was confirmation that what I went through would not define me, and as long as I kept seeking His will, I would have everything I needed to raise a strong, happy, healthy daughter of the Most High.
So, in this vein, I'll be sharing a lot more about my pregnancy, birth, and life with my precious family. I've been hesitant for too long due to the foolishness I've seen, but now, because there is so much negativity out here in cyberspace, I want to be a force for goodness and light. I'm ready.
If you're interested in catching up with me in all my pregnant glory, here's my latest vlog on my YouTube channel. :)
Have a blessed week!
Happily linking up with Mrs. Aok & Co. for Mommy Mondays, today! If you'd like to do the same, just click here and share your favorite post. That's it! :)