I have a dirty little secret to share with you all: I'm kind of a jerk when I'm at home. There! I feel so much better just coming out with that...and more than a little ashamed. The thing is, when I'm out and about in the real world, I'm a pretty cool chick, if I do say so myself. In fact, I've been told I radiate "pure sunshine" by a person whose opinion matters a great deal. So, what happens when I walk through my front door? Why the metamorphosis?
Sometimes this feels like a major accomplishment.
Those two little guys pictured above, ages four and one, are mine, and they need me...A LOT. Right now, they're at a time in their lives when they are wholly dependent upon us for everything 24/7/365. They may be small, but they pack a punch! Very often, they need more than I think I have the power to give, and that frustrates me. Then, the guilt stemming from that frustration sets in, which in turn makes me angry at myself for not feeling anything but gratitude for the precious babies
I asked God for in the first place
. This game can go on and on in my head for awhile before I either, A.) Let is send me into a full-on shame spiral (complete with tears); or B.) I snap out of it, get over myself, and thank the good Lord for answering my prayers so graciously and abundantly. I would love to say I do the latter most of the time, but alas, that is not the case.
Anyway, we start our much-needed vacation tomorrow and it seemed like a great time to begin this journey to a nicer, more pleasant me. Talking to my husband about this challenge yesterday, he lovingly pointed out that road trips
make me a witch
are hard on me, and that he'd love for me to
stop being a witch
enjoy myself so that
I don't ruin the trip for everyone
we all can have a better time. I agreed, and my first challenge was officially born!
This task might be different from the ones to come in that I'll be continuing it throughout my life! I mean, yes, showing love to others is something I'm called to do because of my faith, and I love that; but neglecting to show God's love at home to the people I care about most is just plain wrong. So, I'll be blogging about how this upcoming week goes, but I'll also be reflecting on my progress in the coming months, too, because it's just that important to me to make this change permanent.
It's Friday, so I hope everyone has a wonderful, beautiful weekend! I'll be back in a day or two to let you know how I'm progressing.